As I sit here and type this, I am truly in awe that an entire year has passed with our baby boy. Cliché as it may sound, becoming a mom is the best thing I have ever done.
& now, a moment of silence for the teeny tiny newborn images below + the uncontrollable tears streaming down my face.
I look back on my life pre-Carver and I think wow... what did I do with all my time? What did I do with all my energy... and then I remember, oh yeah... I started a business. Time is the one thing we can't ever get back, so I make it my duty to make being present a first priority. Sometimes that means work takes the back burner, and I've learned to give myself grace and be ok with that. But this post isn't about business, so I'll give you my two cents on juggling mommyhood + work life another time. :)
But more than that, I think about how all the things that used to seem SO important are things I wouldn't even give a second thought now. Caring so deeply about someone and feeling this kind of love genuinely turns you into another person altogether. And for me, that was a much better, more fulfilled, more patient, all around happier person. I had never felt more alive (but also more scared) than the day we brought C home.
I so clearly remember the first night we brought him home. My husband and I slept on the couch in the living room and took turns staring at him in his rock and play. We were so confused and sleep deprived we didn't even try to sleep in our bed. It's actually pretty comical looking back.
For any of you that may be pregnant & reading this... now may be the time to stop the scroll. I'm about to break some terrible news to you.
EVERYONE LIED. EVERYONE. No one tells you what is really going to happen to you, or how hard it is going to be to put your baby on a schedule, (seriously we just now have that down) or how much anxiety you'll feel, or how hard breastfeeding is at first, or how all the sleep training books you read will go out the window because you'll just do whatever works in that moment, or how how you'll cry when your husband has to go to work and it's just you and this brand new human that YOU ARE SOLELY responsible for keeping alive. I mean, it's freaking scary.
But you know what??? I would do it all again in a heartbeat.. and I pray that I get to someday.
Looking back I can laugh at how crazy I was, but in the moment you are just doing whatever it takes to survive. Those chaotic memories are some of my most cherished right along with the way he lights up in the mornings, his love for dogs/music/sesame street, his CHEESE face, the way he crawls, his light-up-the-world smile, his big brown eyes, his 7 adorable teeth, his size 4.5 EXTRA wide feet... I could go on for days. But I'll stop here so I can rest up to celebrate tomorrow. :)
A note for Carver: The last 365 days have been THE BEST DAYS OF MY LIFE and I am so honored to be your mama. You have far surpassed any dream I ever had of a family. I never knew life could be this rewarding and that being a boy mama would be this fun!!! Not a day goes by that I don't thank God for you and pray for your health and well-being. Everything I work for & towards is because of you, Carver Hayes! Cheers to ONE!
Video by CHOATE HOUSE